Interview with V

Interview with V: Mother of three. Oldest son age 13 has AS

Can you describe some of your son’s symptoms?

He doesn't like change of routine or established schedule. It's hard for him to transition from one activity to another. Unable to read facial expressions or fully understand emotions. He has hyper focus on one theme for years at a time (ex Thomas the Train, Van Gogh, baseball) He has inexplicable attachments to things he should be able to get rid of (school work from first grade, toys from childhood) Uncomfortable making eye contact or speaking with others. Very comfortable with solitary activities and being alone- even when friends or family are surrounding him. Has had issues with personal hygiene, feels stress and pressure more acutely than others and tends to be overwhelmed at times by even the simplest of tasks.

When/How did you find our your son had Asperger syndrome?

A good friend whose son has Asperger's saw some of J's behaviors (specifically tantrums at age  and put me in contact with an amazing therapist who helped diagnose and treat him.

What are some challenges?

 J's take- socializing & making friends. Feeling unaware of what to do in certain social settings. It's hard to make friends unless the other person makes an effort. My take- communication. His brain is very, very literal and he thinks of things in absolutes. If I tell him to take the dog out, meaning take her out to pee, he will take her outside and immediately bring her back in. I didn't tell him to take her out to pee, just to take her out. This makes me have to be very specific, very clearly state my expectations and very calmly communicate with him. I feel like I have to explain everything is very simple, very specific terms and it is maddening at times. That being said, it has been a blessing as I try to see the world through his lens and try to comprehend his perception of life.

What has helped?

 A really amazing psychiatrist who has spent four years helping me to understand him and helping him to understand himself. She has personal experience with aspergers and her insight has been invaluable. The other biggest help is prayer, lots & lots of prayer. There are many times where I am frustrated or upset with J and I have gone to Heavenly Father and asked for help in understanding/loving/rearing His child. 95% of the time the answer on how best to help J comes to my mind before I have finished my prayer. I really think Heavenly Father is our best resource for rearing His children, especially those with special needs.

OTHER INFO: 

There are a lot of great books, websites & references both for parents of Aspie's and the children themselves. Arming yourself with as much knowledge as possible is critical, but also understanding that each child is unique and what works for one may not work for another.